[sehat] [share] Indonesia Fatherless Country “Ber(Ayah) Ada Ber(Ayah)Tiada”

Copas from discussion@milis sehat response to posting mail by Bapak’e Ghozan….

——————————————-
dear sp’s

ijinkan disore ini saya utk sedikit berbagi terkait dengan fenomena
kekinian terkait dengan dunia parenting karena implikasinya sungguh luar
biasa.
semata-mata utk mengingatkan diri saya dan sp’s yg membutuhkan…wabil
khusus (calon)papa/ayah/abu/abi/dedy dst.

kemarin sore, selepas nyangkul dipabrik, seperti biasa saya sempatkan
utk mengikuti kajian/diskusi rutin mingguan di tempat kerja.
kebetulan yg mengisi kemarin Pak Irwan Rinaldi (penulis buku “aku ingin
ayah”) sahabat Ibu Elly Risman yg mempunyai pengalaman didunia parenting
lebih dari 20th baik dalam/ luar negeri.

informasi yg saya dapat dari beliau, 3bulan yg lalu indonesia (kira
65menit ayah berjumpa anak..mungkin ini dikota2 besar yg mobilitasnya
sangat tinggi…ditambah kemacetan yg luara biasa) menurut sebuah
lembaga internasional di PBB (tolong mungkin temen2 yg bekerja di
NGO..bisa mencari datanya, saya sudah coba mencari belum menemukan)
masuk dalam “Fatherless Country”, kalau tak salah dengar peringkat ke 3
setelah Amerika (17menit waktu efektif ayah beremu anak) di peringkat
pertama.
miris saya mendengarnya…….ber(ayah) ada, ber(ayah)
tiada………ayah hadir secara fisik namun secara psikologis ayah tidak
hadir dalam jiwa anaknya.
sedih ndak kira2 mendengar fenomena ini……..bukankah kita/ayah
bekerja 8jam sehari mungkin lebih tak lain adalah utk kebahagian anak.
kalau ditambah lagi isteri yang bekerja…..fenomena yang terjadi
sekarang. lebih2 di kota2 besar, pola pengasuhan bukan
motherhood/fatherhood lagi (dua2nya keluar/kerja)…..berubah menjadi
‘mbahhood’, ‘mbakhood’, ‘bibihood’, ‘nonyhood’…bahkan lebih miris
‘tivihood’.

tak ada yang salah dengan dinamika kehidupan rumah tangga ini, namun
selayaknya kita tidak menjadi (mohon maaf) terlena dengan tugas kita
dalam pola asah-asih-asuh anak kita.
manfaatkan selalu “golden moment’ disetiap kesempatan yang ada, karena
masa2 weekend saja belum cukup utk menggantikan peran keayahan yang
ditinggal selama 5hari dalam seminggu.
dari “golden moment’ inilah nantinya kita harapkan menjelma menjadi
“golden opportunity” yg kelak nantinya akan menjelma menjadi
“internaless”…membumi dalam jiwa dan sanubari anak ( kepribadian anak2
kita).

mudah2an dari yang sedikit ini ada sisi-sisi yang mungkin bisa dipetik
utk kita bawa pulang kerumah.
ada kerinduan dari seoarang anak, selepas kita pulang kerja….manakala
kita mengetuk pintu ..atau mendengar deru mesin motor…mobil…..segera
bertariak lantang penuh kegirangan/ berharap/bertanya…bukan menjadi
cuek/diam/masa bodoh.
perlu komitment dan sinergi antara oarang tua utk mengarahkan anak
menjadi apa yang ingin menjadi cita-cita orang tuanya.

di negara maju, wabil khusus perancis…ini menjadi masalah serius dan
2tahun yg lalu sudah menerapkan pola asah-asih-asuh yg membangun
kebersamaan bukan hanya mama/bunda..dst tapi juga ayah/papa..dst.

mohon maaf bila ada kata-kata yang kurang berkenan, semata-mata
keterbatasan saya dalam tutur/tulis saya.

kita tahu disini banyak ahlinya…….
kita tunggu sharing dari papa…atau mama…..tips/trik aplikatif yg
bisa langsung kita terapkan ke anak-anak kita.

salam parenting
bapakeghozan-‘tak ada gading yang tak retak’

sekedar bahan bacaan siapa tahu bermanfaat dan mohon maaf bila menuh2in
inbox :

The Consequences of Fatherlessness

Some fathering advocates would say that almost every social ill faced by
America’s
children is related to fatherlessness. Six are noted here. As supported
by the data
below, children from fatherless homes are more likely to be poor, become
involved
in drug and alcohol abuse, drop out of school, and suffer from health
and emotional
problems. Boys are more likely to become involved in crime, and girls
are more likely
to become pregnant as teens.

1. Poverty

– Children in father-absent homes are five times more likely to be
poor. In
2002, 7.8% of children in married-couple families were living in
poverty,
compared to 38.4% of children in female-householder families.

Source: U.S. Census Bureau, Children’s Living Arrangements and
Characteristics: March
2002, P20-547, Table C8. Washington, D.C.: GPO 2003.

– In 1996, young children living with unmarried mothers were five times
as likely to be poor and ten times as likely to be extremely poor.

Source: “One in Four: America’s Youngest Poor.” National Center for
children in Poverty. 1996.

– Almost 75% of American children living in single-parent families will
experience poverty before they turn 11 years old. Only 20 percent of
children in two-parent families will do the same.

Source: National Commission on Children. /Just the Facts: A Summary
of Recent information
on America’s Children and their Families/. Washington, DC, 1993.

Source: U.S. Bureau of the Census.Statistical Abstract of the United
States 1994. Washington, DC: GPO 1994.

2. Drug and Alcohol Abuse

– The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services states,
“Fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and
alcohol abuse.”

Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. National
Center for Health Statistics. Survey on Child Health. Washington,
DC, 1993.

– Children growing up in single-parent households are at a
significantly increased risk for drug abuse as teenagers.

Source: Denton, Rhonda E. and Charlene M. Kampfe. “The relationship
Between Family Variables and Adolescent Substance Abuse: A
literature Review.” /Adolescence/ 114 (1994): 475-495.

– Children who live apart from their fathers are 4.3 times more
likely to smoke cigarettes as teenagers than children growing up
with their fathers in the home.

Source: Stanton, Warren R., Tian P.S. Oci and Phil A. Silva.
“Sociodemographic characteristics of Adolescent Smokers.” /The
International Journal of the Addictions/ 7 (1994): 913-925.

3. Physical and Emotional Health

– Unmarried mothers are less likely to obtain prenatal care and more
likely to have a low birthweight baby. Researchers find that these
negative effects persist even when they take into account factors,
such as parental education, that often distinguish single-parent
from two-parent families.

Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Public Health
Service. Center for Disease Control and Prevention. National Center
for Health Statistics. Report to Congress on Out-of-Wedlock
Childbearing. Hyattsville, MD (Sept. 1995): 12.

– A study on nearly 6,000 children found that children from single
parent homes had more physical and mental health problems than
children who lived with two married parents. Additionally, boys in
single parent homes were found to have more illnesses than girls in
single parent homes.

Source: Hong, Gong-Soog and Shelly L. White-Means.”Do Working
Mothers Have Healthy Children?” /Journal of Family and Economic
Issues/ 14 (Summer 1993): 163-186.

– Children in single-parent families are two to three times as
likely as children in two-parent families to have emotional and
behavioral problems.

Source: Stanton, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.
National Center for Health Statistics.”National Health Interview
Survey.” Hyattsville, MD, 1988.

Source: Zill, Nicholas and Carol Schoenborn. Child Developmental,
Learning and Emotional Problems: Health of Our Nation’s Children.
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. National Center for
Health Statistics. Advance Data 1990. Washington, DC: GPO, 16 Nov. 1990.

– Three out of four teenage suicides occur in households where a
parent has been absent.

Source: Elshtain, Jean Bethke.”Family Matters: The Plight of
America’s Children.” /The Christian Century/ (July 1993): 14-21.

4. Educational Achievement

– In studies involving over 25,000 children using nationally
representative data sets, children who lived with only one parent
had lower grade point averages, lower college aspirations, poor
attendance records, and higher drop out rates than students who
lived with both parents.

Source: McLanahan, Sara and Gary Sandefur. /Growing up with a Single
Parent: What Hurts, What Helps./ Cambridge: Harvard University
Press, 1994.

– Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school.

Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. National
Center for Health Statistics. Survey on Child Health. Washington,
DC; GPO, 1993.

Source: McLanahan, Sara and Gary Sandefur. /Growing up with a Single
Parent: What Hurts, What Helps/. Cambridge: Harvard University
Press, 1994.

– After taking into account race, socioeconomic status, sex, age,
and ability, high school students from single-parent households were
1.7 times more likely to drop out than were their corresponding
counterparts living with both biological parents.

Source: McNeal, Ralph B. Jr.”Extracurricular Activities and High
School Dropouts.” /Sociology of Education /68(1995): 62-81.

– School children from divorced families are absent more, and more
anxious, hostile, and withdrawn, and are less popular with their
peers than those from intact families.

Source: One-Parent Families and Their Children: The School’s Most
Significant Minority. The Consortium for the Study of School Needs
of Children from One-Parent Families. National Association of
elementary School Principals and the Institute for Development of
Educational Activities, a division of the Charles f. Kettering
Foundation. Arlington, VA 1980.

5. Crime

– Children in single parent families are more likely to be in
trouble with the law than their peers who grow up with two parents.

Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. National
Center for Health Statistics. National Health Interview Survey.
Hyattsville, MD, 1988.

– In a study using a national probability sample of 1,636 young men
and women, it was found that older boys and girls from female headed
households are more likely to commit criminal acts than their peers
who lived with two parents.

Source: Heimer, Karen. “Gender, Interaction, and Delinquency:
Testing a Theory of Differential Social Control.” Social Psychology
Quarterly 59 (1996): 39-61.

Source: Ryan, Gail et al.”Trendis in a National Sample of Sexually
Abusive Youths.” /Journal of the American Academy of Child
Adolescent Psychiatry/ 35 (January 1996): 17-25.

– A study in the state of Washington using statewide data found an
increased likelihood that children born out-of-wedlock would become
a juvenile offender. Compared to their peers born to married
parents, children born out-of-wedlock were:

* 1.7 times more likely to become an offender and 2.1 times more
likely to become a chronic offender if male.
* 1.8 times more likely to become an offender and 2.8 times more
likely to become a chronic offender if female.
* 10 times more likely to become a chronic juvenile offender if
male and born to an unmarried teen mother.

———————————————–

On 2/9/2011 5:50 PM, kejora_iksi@yahoo.com wrote:
> Pak’e,
>
> Hixxx curcol, anak saya ketemu daddynya 2 minggu sekali krn faktor lokasi pekerjaan sang ayah. Kira2 dari dari diskusi rutin tsb dibahas gak apa efek jangka panjang dari kurangnya waktu father-daughter tsb? Walaupun sang ayah berusaha menebusnya secara quality time yakni ngurusin anaknya secara (hampir) total kalau lagi di rumah. Dari mulai mandiin (anak saya 18mos), nemenin makan, ngajak main, sampai nemenin tidur.
>
==> seperti yg sudah dsinggung tadi bu’e

saya kira contoh yg baik buat diri saya dari suami ibu dan jgn lupa
“golden moment” detik perdetik karena esensinya bukan di kuantitas tp
kwalitas….

contoh : anak biasanya exited……ketika duduk dikursi depan
mobil….tak sengaja menutupi kaca spion……terkadang ada ayah yg
lupa…sehingga responnya..awas…awas…..nutupi kaca spion ga
kelihatan…atau kl masih bandel..mama..mama….pindah kebelakanga
mah….padahal menurut pakar parenting saat2 seperti inilah yg disebut
golden moment ini dampaknya luar biasa buat perkembangan si anak,
gunakan cara yg baik/ persuasif…..karena menurut pendapat pakar
parenting (ini kajian ilmiah)…..sesuatu hal negatif/perlakuan yg
dilakukan orang tua terhadapa anak…dampaknya akan membekas dan baru
bisa hilang setelah 10 atau 15tahun (maaf agak lupa), selain itu
teknologi sudah semakin canggih……dst

mohon maaf kl kurang berkenan

salam pembelajar
bapakeghozan

———————————————-

On 2/9/2011 4:46 PM, samsul A wrote:
> blum baca detail, mumet pake hp yg goyang2 di bis..
> kira2 mirip gak dg postingannya gendi yg lalu ?
>
==> betul om samsul.
ngeri juga lihat kondisi sekarang….
lah kl masuk 3besar…..kayak apa kedepan……

hasil penelitian yayasan kita dan buah hati terhadap 700pasanganan
keluarga :

– hanya 2,5% ayah yg mendongeng ke anaknya selama 3bulan terakhir dari
mulutnya langsung bukan dari sekolah
– hanya 10% dari ayah yg membangunkan anaknya dipagi hari
– dan saat prosesi ‘salaman’ ….anaknya cium tangan ayahnya dengan
khusyuk…tapi berbading terbalik dengan ayahnya.

salamku
bapakeghozan

——————————————–

On 2/9/2011 5:33 PM, marcella.kasih@indosat.blackberry.com wrote:
> Jurkamnya mesti sesama ayah Pak E
> Kalau kaum hawa, ybs sudah cukup sering di-jurkam-i oleh istri masing2, jadi resisten alias kebal.
>
> Makin banyak contoh dan teladan makin baik. Ya di kantor, ya di lingkungan kerja, ya disekolah, pas ngumpul sesama ayah.
>
==> betul bu’e…..mohon maaf kl jadi membosankan yah.

temuan KPA/ Komisi Perlindungan Anak belum lama ini:

62,7% ANAK SMP PERNAH MELAKUKAN HUB SEKSUAL,(Ibu Elly Risman kl ndak
salah mnegatakan, angkanya bisa lebih dari itu, karena tdk semua mau
mengungkapkan/jujur)
21,2 PERSEN ANAK SMA PERNAH MENGGUGURKAN KANDUNGAN

tentu bukan oleh suatu proses seketika, adalah perjalanan semenjak kecil.
banyak faktor yg mempengaruhi, paling dominan bored, kemudian lonely,
afraid/angry, stressed, tired dan father hunger.

salamku
bapakeghozan

This entry was posted in milis sehat, parenting, wisdom of life. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to [sehat] [share] Indonesia Fatherless Country “Ber(Ayah) Ada Ber(Ayah)Tiada”

  1. Novi says:

    Mohon Ijin copas buat note di FB. Terima kasih

  2. Pingback: Repost: Fatherless Country « Keluarga Andrivito

  3. mardiyani says:

    Luar biasa, masukannya. saya pemerhati masalah ini, karena anak pertama saya sepertinya kehilangan figur ayah. tapi sayangnya susah sekali mengajak diskusi dengan suami .karena suami juga kehilangan figur ayah.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s